ok so basically im back at blogging. what can i say..i guess when you can't turn on someone to talk to u can only depend on this social media shit for an intervention/therapy . they say typing down ur most inner secrets ( or what some people might think of it as a confession)makes ur mind at ease. But there are consequences as to who your showing this to. like for example an unknown stranger who happen to browse by a cyber net( blog as an example) to look for something good to read. and then came your blog( due to the link connection from a friend blogsite to another) and they took an advantage of u cuz they happen to noe u..maybe a classmate of urs, a next door neighbour or perhaps a pedophile/sexaholic? hahaha,no shit alright...but back to the point. nothing good ever came out from an internet. so to play it safe, put a privacy setting cuz it's gonna be u...yeah just u reading this when ur in ur 20's or late 50's. hey, who knew u might just show this to ur children in later yrs to come. so wat wif the sudden comeback of blogging u ask? well beats me. i just do it for the thrill of it, killing it ( one of lorde song- tennis court- epic!) Truth is, i myself am nt sure y im starting back this blog. it's nt like anyone gonna read this rite? talk abt major consequences. HEH! i just wanna let loose a little of my undesired qns which have yet to be answered by someone. the fear of being misunderstood is one of my major fear yet and im still feel unease being with a bunch of people who have diff opinions at one go. i mean i get it, human have their own persona. one with flaws and without. as i mention a few yrs back ( if u ever read back the past post i did which i find pretty pathetic as to how much life lesson i hav been thru bt nt as compared to those who suffered more than me) nobody is perfect. the only way tat works if u love urself and "keep moving forward" ( meet the robinson motto )no matter what, there will always be those people who wants to bring u down becoz they been thru so much hell and wanted to vent it out on someone else who is less superior than them. power is a strong word to use be it an action or a verb u can't put tat word of gd use. cuz nobody noe's how to use it wisely unlike that special one that everyone cared to stop and think abt. cared to even look back and ponder what can be made right for a better future ahead. that special one knew wat we are deep inside and accept for us one. so y can't we do that? i bet everyone looking for that one reason/question as to y they are breathing in a world full of wonders and curiosity. thing that are created can be a piece of memory.. a fragment of a treasure that was once a history of someone past. its not to be rendered with or replaced. the things we do is always written dwn somewhere right? we just frgt abt it once...maybe most of the time..too carried away wif the present. worrying abt who u can be happy with and nt. CHOICES. that's one word to make it simple. 2 path created for us and a choice to pick which lane leads to a brighter or darker future. mind/brain that have taught us how to think...a heart that taught us to feel..a soul that showed our strength and dreams. how should i put it?...is like mixing different colors of paints to give u tat one result. i for example am nt proud of my history. i kept things hidden too for fear of nt being accepted or loved. i did have my gd moments which will always be replayed in my mind( like a recording tape) i won't even noe if i will be in a safe heaven now that i tink abt it...so what i cn do now is...make watever best of it counts..listen to wat u feel makes u at ease and dun always listen to those ard u ( they may give u opinions bt nt all of their opinion give u the right answer)it's ur choice and may the odds be ever in ur favor ( hunger games) haha! ya.. i noe i tend to get carried away too and that wat makes me....ME for now just do what u tink is rite. if ur scared, close ur eyes and pray.

everyone is looking for a way to hurt somebody
and i wonder why...?
it must be the grudge that they are holding for a long time & it hurts to see someone with that condition...
times we don't tend to take note except for those who really understand wat they are going through...
so why are they doing it now?
it such a short notice to even realise wat is happening around u especially when there's a big exam in just around the corner..
and these takes back to how and why they put their anger on a person who doesn't want to be the target of those who are in pain
....sure they can treat u nicely bt at time they just took advantage of u and use u like a piece of trash...
they play ur hair as a form of comfort and fun and even tease u ard when they feel stress or tired...
bt to me its just a form of irritation to make themselve feel great while making their friends look more less like dork...
its possible that such a friend take grudge of u in or as a sign of action or words..
its rather harsh...i could say
bt thats life...
yeahh....
thats y wat i see abt them is another form of misery
are they still seeing me as someone who cares or just an anti-social who now doesn't talk much just becoz she has nth to say or just dunno wat to talk abt..
im nt the same girl as they see frm last yr
im just still hoping to see if they realise tat im changing just for the sake of me and nt for them :(
plz accept me for wat i am and not wat for wat i do.
hope they noe wat they are doing to me...just praying tat their stone head will crack open and realise a sense of realisation in these world of.....jerks and *****s

last week and this week have been a very hacktic day for me and perhaps for u too